functioning as part of a couple not solo anymore

Hi Blogworld,

I just read that in an older post from the blog Finding Sara.  Wow it kinda hits me between the eyes.  I am trying to do both and it drives me crazy. There are times when Miles will need me to be a leader but most of the time he wants to be The man of the house.  At work I am definitely in a leadership role.  When it comes to my kids I am so used to being the leader.  A single Mom for 16 years it is really hard to hand over the reins.  And there are times that I just don't think Miles understands how to handle the kids feelings.  He can be really sarcastic and doesn't realize he hurts peoples feelings.  He thinks he is being funny and doesn't mean anything by it.  So I try to protect my babies and be Warrior Mom.  Last night we went and I bought a gas grill that was on sale.  We had talked about this and picked one out of the sale paper.  But when we got there I seen it was too small.   I mentioned to miles that I wanted to get the next size grill and why.  Usually he will balk at me spending more but this time he was fine with it.  He just said to get what I would be happy with.  He doesn't think we will use it much.  I have plans to start grilling when it reaches 60 degrees.  I love doing corn on the cob,  potatoes and some meat on the grill.  When we looked at the house I started planning back yard barbecues on the deck.  To me that is what summer is all about.  But I have gotten way off topic.  Functioning both as part of a couple and solo.  I need to stop but don't have a clue how.  I actually talked to Miles this morning about how I appreciated him not giving me a hard time about getting the bigger grill.  I see his point about how I like to shop.  He really feels he needs to save me from myself.  I guess I am learning to live outside survival mode.  For most of my life I have never had enough money.  Robbing Peter to pay Paul.  Now sharing a home with Miles I for the first time can start saving money.  I earn enough to pay my share of the expenses and then some.  I actually have started to pay off long past due debts.  Maybe someday I will have a credit score that isn't in the basement.
I know it isn't much but I started taking part of my employers 401k match.  It isn't much but it's a beginning. Maybe that is how I do this couple thing.  One step at a time, with every choice think how it will affect our life together or what choice I would want him to make.  Part of why I still act solo is his health.  I know it is very likely he will not be around for many more years.  Sucks but I fear having  to learn to stand on own without him.  So if I just keep standing on my own now I won't have to.  But it's driving me crazy so I need to relax and enjoy what God has given me.  Sorry if this post is very scattered but it has really helped me process thru this stuff.
Ellie